We all get rejected. Don’t take it personally

You’ve been let go from your job. Or maybe you were passed over for the promotion. Or you applied to a position you very much wanted, and didn’t get so much as an acknowledgement of your application. Or you were turned down by the school or program that you had your heart set on attending. Or maybe your “great idea” got shot down. The list is nearly endless. Whatever the situation, or whatever the reason, we will all inevitably be rejected.

A couple of things made me think about this: a very recent situation where I was rejected for something (I won’t get into the details of it here), and the job hunt presentation that I just gave this past weekend at WE Local Hartford. In my presentation, I include a slide that talks about what to do when you’re rejected. I figured I should expand upon that. It occurred to me that, when it comes to professional development, we talk a lot about improving yourself and things to do to improve your chances. But we rarely talk about what happens when — not if — we get rejected.

Let’s face it. Getting rejected sucks. It’s a blow to your ego. You start thinking about what you did wrong. You start wondering if you’re really qualified to be doing what you’re doing. It’s often a major contributor, if not the root cause, of imposter syndrome. I can tell you that I’ve suffered my share of it, and it’s shaped my professional career in a number of ways. I would be lying to you if I said that I’m immune to rejection and it doesn’t get me down, because I’m not, and it does.

That said, when it comes to professional development, getting rejected is rarely personal. Now, I’m not going to lie and say that getting rejected for personal reasons doesn’t exist, because it does. But think of this: if you’re applying for a job or a school, what are the chances that someone making the decision knows who you are and is rejecting you because of a personal issue? I’d think that those odds are almost zero.

(It’s possible that maybe you were rejected because of some form of discrimination, such as racism, sexism, or ageism. However, this goes outside the scope of this article, and is another topic for another time.)

So how do you deal with rejection? I don’t know about the psychology behind dealing with rejection (that’s a conversation that goes beyond my education and expertise), but here’s what I think.

Remember that you are human. We are not machines. You are not expected to be perfect. You are going to make mistakes. In most cases, one or two slip-ups shouldn’t be enough to sink you. Don’t spend your time dwelling on what you did wrong. It’s often not worth the stress.

That said, make sure that you…

Fix whatever is broken. Each mistake we make is a learning experience. Find out what the mistake is and take steps to fix it so you’ll know better the next time it comes up.

So how do you find out what’s broken? For one thing…

Get feedback. It is perfectly okay to ask why you were rejected. Maybe you didn’t have the right skill set, or a skill was lacking. Maybe you didn’t communicate well. Whatever the reason, asking why you were rejected helps you to identify any issues that you need to fix.

It might also simply be that you just weren’t the right fit. I keep thinking of a scene at the beginning of Tootsie where Dustin Hoffman’s character was auditioning for a show. After arguing with the director as to why he should be picked, he was finally told, “we’re looking for somebody else, okay?” It takes two to tango, and not every match is a perfect fit, whether it’s different cultures, mindsets, skill sets, or whatever. Think of it this way: if it’s not the right fit, do you really want to be there, anyway?

Consider the competition. Maybe someone else has a better skill set, or is more experienced. Maybe there were 200 applicants for only one position, which means that 199 people were going to get rejected… and you just happened to be one of them. Only one person can be the best, so chances are that no matter how good you are, there will likely be someone who is better than you.

Always take the high road. Whatever you do, keep a positive mindset (yes, I realize that this is easier said than done). As I said earlier, it is okay to ask why you were rejected, and if you can get an honest answer, you can fix it and move on. You also don’t want to burn bridges; you never know whether or not you’ll need to deal with that person or company again. Even for jobs for which I’ve been rejected, I’ve asked if it was okay for me to connect with them on LinkedIn, and most of them have obliged.

Have a short memory. It’s human nature to dwell on what went wrong, so the ability to forget about it and move on can often be an asset. Even Mariano Rivera, the Hall of Fame relief pitcher who seemed nearly untouchable, gave up an occasional home run or walkoff hit. He often mentioned that one of his assets was to forget about it and move on to the next game.

Distract yourself. Something to get your mind off your experience might not be a bad thing. Forget about your issue for a while and go do something you enjoy. Go to a movie, work on your hobbies, play golf, hang out with friends, whatever it takes for you to get your mind off of it for a while.

Talk to someone. Don’t keep your emotions bottled up. Get it out of your system. Talk to a friend and say what’s on your mind. Not only will it feel good to unload your feelings, it’s also an opportunity to network.

When I gave my presentation in Hartford this past weekend, I asked if anyone had lost their job and was looking. One lady raised her hand. I didn’t get a chance to talk to her, but I did get a sense that she was frustrated by her situation. If she is reading this, I want to you know that it happens to the best of us. We’ve been there and done that. Don’t let the rejections define you.

Keep plowing through, and eventually, you’ll get accepted.

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Make goals, not resolutions

This is an article I wrote three years ago, and it’s just as applicable now as it was when I first wrote it. Now that we’re two days into the new year, I figured it was worth reposting again.

Welcome to Ray Kim's 'blog

My previous post got me thinking about setting goals. I mentioned in my previous article that I hate setting New Year’s “resolutions.” I didn’t want to get into why in that article.

Well, in this article, I want to get into exactly why.

How many of you have made New Year’s resolutions? How many of you made them in years past? How many resolutions did you keep?

If I had to guess, probably not many, if any.

This is why I hate resolutions. They’re almost guaranteed to fail. Case in point: for those of you who go to a gym and work out, how packed is the gym in January? In all likelihood, it’s packed with people who resolved to go to the gym and work out this year.

Now, how many of these people are still at the gym by the end of the year? Or by July? Or…

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Happy holidays, winding down 2022, and what’s in store next

As I write this, it’s the day after Christmas, 2022. Hopefully, those of you who are reading this had a wonderful holiday season. I hope you had a great Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, or whatever your holiday celebration of choice is! For me, personally, Santa didn’t leave me much, but honestly, the older I get, the less important tangible Christmas gifts get. I got to spend quality time with my wife and my (now-13-year-old — !!!) niece, and that was the best Christmas present I could’ve asked for.

Now that 2022 is almost over, a lot of people spend time reflecting upon the past year, and trying to figure out what the new year will bring. I am no different, and I have to say that it has been a very eventful 2022.

I won’t get too much into it, as I try to avoid writing about things that are too personal in my very public ‘blog, but I will mention that 2022 was a very trying year. I had to deal with family issues this past August, which included one parent’s death and the other parent facing twilight years of life. (As I write this, the latter is still an issue and is ongoing.) Around the same time, we also dealt with the deaths of one of our beloved pets and a couple of friends of mine from college. To say that this made 2022 a very trying year is probably an understatement. All I could think about is a quote from the fourth Indiana Jones movie: “We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.” Professionally, I lost a job, got another one, and nearly lost the second one (disclosure: I managed to pull myself out, and am still employed there as I write this). I will not get into any details about the second one, except to say that I discovered something very personal about myself, and although it wasn’t directly related to the other personal issues that I just wrote about, those issues did nothing to help my situation.

What I will mention is that my personal issue was the fodder behind the article I wrote about taking care of yourself.

But enough about the crap that I had to deal with in 2022. Let’s talk about the good things that happened.

I did experience a lot of good things this year. Let’s start with my speaking schedule. Although things are still picking up after the pandemic, I did make it to speak at four in-person events this year, including a new one that had nothing to do with PASS, and my fourth consecutive time speaking at PASS Data Community Summit (or its equivalent).

I still shake my head that I’ve spoken at four straight PASS Summits. I don’t consider myself a SQL expert; as I often say, although I do have SQL experience, my knowledge of SQL falls under the category of “knows enough to be dangerous.” But I’ve been picked to speak there four times, so I must be doing something right!

I think the sentiment of speaking at events like these was best summed up by this tweet from a first-time speaker during PASS Summit.

I sat down at this table and thought, "no way I belong at this table". Within an hour, not only did I feel like I belong, I was on a mission to tell everyone they do too. @SqlrUs @SQLEspresso @mrdenny @jqmtweets @sqldbawithbeard @cathrinew @spaghettidba @PianoRayK #sqlfamily pic.twitter.com/3xBf2wP32S

— Josh @gt1gt1@dataplatform.social (@gt1gt1) November 20, 2022

Not all my 2022 successes were professional. I got to play several gigs with my rock band. I spent some time accompanying a local musical. My alma mater’s football team went 7-5 and is heading to a bowl game. And I got to attend countless events that allowed me to connect (or, in some cases, reconnect) with friends and family. While I did deal with a lot of issues in 2022, I’m happy to say that I’m definitely on the upswing.

That brings me to what’s next moving forward. I’ve received word that I’ve been invited to speak at two more events: another WE Local conference, and at STC Summit! I’m especially excited about the latter, because I’ve been a member of STC for a little while, and speaking at STC Summit has been a bucket list item for me. I also saw save-the-date entries for SQL Saturday as well (including one in NYC that my friend, Thomas Grohser told me about when I was in Seattle last month), so there will likely be more opportunities for me to speak as well. There are also numerous opportunities that are crossing my path. I won’t write about them all now, partially because none of them are in stone, but mostly because there are a lot of them, and I don’t remember them all! So I have a lot to look forward to in 2023 and beyond.

So, that pretty much sums up my reflections. I hope to be doing more as my issues are farther in my rearview mirror, and my upswing continues! Stay tuned for my exploits in 2023, and I hope all of you are on a similar track!

#PASSDataCommunitySummit — day 1 debrief, and what I look forward to for day 2

Greetings from Summit day 2! This morning, I’m writing from the speaker’s lounge in the Seattle Convention Center, where a number of speakers (myself included) are busy looking at their laptops. I’m not sure what the others are doing — working on their presentations, maybe? — but I know that I’m here writing in my ‘blog and enjoying a few refreshments that are provided for the speakers who partake this room and its resources.

It probably makes sense for me to talk about what went on yesterday. My session was scheduled for the very first time slot of the three days of general sessions — and, unfortunately for me, that turned out to be problematic.

I did my presentation about networking, which happens to be one of my favorite presentations to do. I enjoy giving it, I get my audience involved (there is an opportunity for my audience to do some networking themselves), and I get the impression that my attendees enjoy it as well. A big deal has been made about networking for this event — indeed, I was told that about 40% of the attendees were first-time participants, so I was looking forward to a good turnout for my presentation.

It turned out to be a disappointment. Only five people showed up for my presentation.

I had two things working against me. First, I understand that yesterday’s keynote ran over time. Since my session was at 9:30 (and I intentionally waited five extra minutes, until 9:35, to start to allow stragglers to come in), it likely interfered with my (and others’) session. Second, my room was located in a relatively-new section of the convention center, located right across the street from the main convention center, and the room was a little difficult to find.

Now, let me be clear. It isn’t so much the low turnout in and of itself that disappointed me. I’ve presented to smaller audiences before (the smallest audience I had was two people — heck, I one had a session where nobody showed up). I couldn’t care less about stroking my ego. No, I was more disappointed in the fact that, at an event where networking has been emphasized all throughout up to this point, only five people got to hear my presentation describing how to network — information that I really felt could help many people throughout this event. I felt that I had a really good message to pass along — especially to the first-time attendees — and it only got through to less than 1% of the people who are here. I had seriously expected ten times that number to show up to my presentation. That, to me, was the big disappointment.

However, attendance numbers aside, those who were there said that I gave a really good presentation. And now I can say that I am a four-time PASS Summit speaker!

There was another disappointment before that. I had signed up to attend a vendor’s breakfast. I’m not going to lie; my main (in fact, my only reason) for attending was the word “breakfast.” For a decent breakfast, I’ll spend an hour listening to a vendor’s sales pitch. But it was not to be. When I arrived, there was no food left. Apparently, when they opened the doors, breakfast disappeared very quickly. I was told they were ordering more Egg McMuffins for attendees. Um, no. Lack of planning on your part does not constitute patience on mine (at least not in this case). No food, no sales pitch. I blew off the vendor’s spiel and settled for the continental breakfast they were serving in the dining hall.

But, enough of my disappointments; let’s talk about the good stuff!

After I did my presentation, it turned out that another session that interested me was in the room next door in the next time slot. Blythe Morrow did a presentation called “How to Write a Kickass Anything.” As someone who writes for a living, the session title alone was enough to pique my interested, and she did not disappoint. There was a lot to cover — too much for me to recap — but a couple of takeaways were to come up with your own professional branding (something that I’ve already done), and that “simplicity” and “clarity” are not synonymous. In regards to the latter, for most of my technical writing career, I’ve maintained a principle of KISS. When I told Blythe this, what she told me was along the lines of “making it simple doesn’t necessarily make it clear.” That was a huge takeaway for me, and it’s definitely something I’ll carry with me moving forward.

Getting together with #SQLFamily friends after the first day!

After I did my presentation, I’ve been joking that “now that my commitment to PASS Summit is done, I could technically hop on a plane right now and fly home.” But the thing is, while presentations and learning are a big part of Summit, they aren’t the only things. I’ve often mentioned the importance of #SQLFamily. It’s a real thing. In only a couple of days here, I’ve seen so many friends whom I love dearly and don’t get much of a chance to see, except when we cross paths on the SQL Saturday circuit or at other various events. These people are important to me, and I want to spend as much time with them as I can. Last night, after the day’s sessions were over, I joined friends for some drinks at the hotel across the street, then joined a few more at the Cheesecake Factory (also across the street). My friends are very important to me, so any opportunity I can get to get together with them is cherished!

I spent some time at the exhibitor hall, where the vendors have their booths set up. I’ll admit that I look for booths with good swag and prizes to win, but it’s also important to make sure you support vendors at events like this. They are, after all, a big reason why these events exist. Vendors are big supports of conferences such as PASS Summit and SQL Saturday; without them, many of these events wouldn’t exist.

One of the big booths was Redgate (of course; they’re the ones who are responsible for coordinating Summit), and they did an interesting promo. They handed out these little mini Lego Steves (see the pics below). If you took a Twitter selfie with Lego Steve, you had a chance to win a prize! I took a couple of selfies, including the ones you see below. Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether or not I win, but I thought it was fun to take these pics!

A Lego Steve, along with the contest instructions

Me, Lego Steve, and actual Steve! (Lego Steve is the one I’m holding in my fingers!)

This morning, I woke up at 4 am (local time), before my alarm went off. I got up, showered, dressed, and went to the convention center.

Bob Ward moderates the Microsoft Q&A breakfast

My first order of business was breakfast. I attended the Microsoft vendor breakfast — and yes, this time, there actually was breakfast. I got myself a good breakfast and listened to a Q&A with some Microsoft bigwigs. Bob Ward was the session moderator.

Now, a little explanation is in order. Bob Ward is probably the Elvis Presley of SQL rockstars. He is very well-known throughout the SQL community. He has written books, he has been on the front lines of SQL Server development, and people flock to his presentations when he speaks.

That said, he has one flaw. He’s a Dallas Cowboys fan. He’s such a big fan that he has been known to incorporate the Cowboys into his presentations. In fact, SQL Server 2022 was code-named “Dallas” because of him.

Because of this, I asked for the mic (I was the first to do so), and I asked this question.

“My question is specifically for Bob. What’s the over-under on the number of wins the Cowboys will have this year?”

Yeah, I know, but I had to ask. It got a good chuckle from the crowd!

After the breakfast, I attended the morning keynote, where a number of people from Redgate, including my friends, Steve Jones and Kathi Kellenberger, got to speak! I couldn’t tell you everything they discussed (I couldn’t remember it all if I tried), but Steve did mention (and I’m mostly paraphrasing here) that we are now living in a multi-database platform world, and that isn’t going to go away.

And now, here I sit, writing a ‘blog article. There are a few more sessions I want to attend, and they look like good ones! I’m looking forward to seeing what Day 2 brings!

Getting social with travel apps

Although I do not live in or near New York City, I’ve been there often enough that I feel comfortable about getting around, knowing where to go, and can often pass myself off as a native. (To my NYC friends: you can stop laughing now!) Friends often ask me for advice about where to go, where to eat, and how to get around. (In regards to the latter: get a MetroCard and ride the subway.)

One thing that I tell first-time visitors to NYC: take a cab ride. Anywhere. It doesn’t matter where you’re going. Why? Because in my frequent trips down to the City, one thing I’ve discovered is that New York cab drivers are great to talk to! They are the best conversationalists. I’ve gotten into the best conversations with NYC cab drivers. Conversations vary; I had one once vent to me about problems with his girlfriend. Another once told me about how, once he became mayor, he was going to ban all traffic from Manhattan and limit it to just pedestrians and bicycles. And I once commented to one driver about his great ability to navigate around the congested streets. I told him something like, “I probably wouldn’t last five minutes in this crap.” His response: “the secret is find a great radio station and just listen to it all day long.” Cab drivers know the lay of the land, they often know places to go, and with their experience with driving people around, they have many great stories to tell.

Okay, so why am I talking about conversations with NYC cab drivers? For one thing, it’s networking. If you consider yourself an introvert, it’s a great way to practice breaking the ice, carrying on a conversation, and meeting people. But it’s also experience with hosts and travel service people when you’re on the go.

I often use AirBnB when I travel; it’s a great lodging alternative when I can’t afford the price of a hotel room. I also make use of Uber and Lyft if I don’t plan to rent a car or if I leave my car at home. (There are a number of similar lodging and transportation apps I use as well, but I won’t list them all; you get the idea.) Nearly every case involves interacting with a host, whether (s)he is ferrying you to your destination or is putting you up for the night. If you’re lucky enough to interact with your host (note: I’m talking mainly about AirBnB; I don’t often rideshare unless I have to), you might find that (s)he will have plenty of local advice for you, as well as some good stories to tell.

Earlier this year, my wife and I spent a weekend out in Boston. We rented an AirBnB, We had a great time drinking coffee on the back deck, watching planes take off and land (Logan Airport was visible from the back deck), and getting to know one of our hosts. It turned out that he was an airline flight attendant (which might partially explain why his house was near the airport). He had some great stories to tell about his job, where he traveled, and how he prepared for another flight. He was great to talk to, and I will make sure I consider his place again the next time I’m out that way!

Remember that when you use a travel app, there are people involved whenever you use it, including people who will end up serving you. It’s an opportunity to expand your network, and you might hear some great stories along the way.

Less than two weeks until #PASSDataCommunitySummit! #PASSSummit #SQLFamily #Networking

November arrived yesterday (where did this year go???), and it only recently occurred to me that I will be in Seattle in less than two weeks, speaking for the fourth time at PASS Data Community Summit (or it’s equivalent)! On Wednesday morning, among the first sessions of Summit, I will be giving one of my favorite presentations: the one on networking. Come check it out!

It still amazes me that I will be going back to speak at this awesome event for the fourth straight year. Whenever I look through the list of speakers — several of whom have become very good friends through my association with events such as SQL Saturday — I continue to be in awe of the fact that my name and face is associated with this amazing group of data professional rock stars. I started speaking on the SQL Saturday circuit in 2015, and if you’d told me back then that I would be speaking at PASS Summit for four straight years, I likely would’ve asked what you were smoking.

And yet, here I am. I don’t consider myself a SQL Server expert — heck, none of my presentations even have anything to do with SQL Server — but nevertheless, I am still contributing to the SQL Server, as well as other technical, communities. I sometimes ask myself if I really belong in this same group of talented data professionals; indeed, I was even once asked how I’m associated with this group. I think that’s a very valid question, and I sometimes ask myself that same question.

But one doesn’t get to speak at PASS Summit four straight years unless you’ve got the goods. I once described PASS Summit as being the SQL Saturday All-Star Game. If you’re picked once, it’s a great honor. If you’re picked more than once, you’re a solid player. Four straight years? Now we’re starting to get into Derek Jeter territory.

Okay, I don’t consider myself the same caliber as Jeter. I’d consider myself more like, say, Ozzie Smith: someone with a long and distinguished career who didn’t hit for a high batting average. He stayed steady and just did his thing. And that’s pretty much what I try to do.

Hope to see you in Seattle in two weeks!

Make time for your art

This pic above showed up in a Facebook meme, and it spoke volumes to me. To sum up my thoughts in only a few words, I’m an artist.

Okay, I suppose some context is in order; after all, I am writing this as a ‘blog article.

For the benefit of those of you who don’t know me, I’m a musician in my spare time. I started playing the piano when I was seven, the clarinet when I was eight, and I taught myself how to play mallet percussion and the saxophone when I was in high school. I grew up learning how to play classical piano, and I picked up a taste for jazz and classic rock along the way. I played well enough that I easily could have been a music major had I chosen to do so; alas, my parents wouldn’t let me.

I also started writing my own music when I was in high school. I started out writing piano compositions (think John Tesh-like new age piano music) without lyrics. One day, I said to myself, “what would happen if I wrote lyrics for my music?” The result was a song called If She Only Knew. I ended up writing more songs; you can hear many of them on my songwriter’s page (you can even purchase my music on the page or on iTunes). I still have more music that I haven’t finished recording (alas, trying to coordinate time with friends who can actually sing is a major blocker, not to mention that life happens), and it’s only within the past few years that I’ve started writing again, after a long layoff of many years (like I said, life happens).

When I first started writing, I was an isolated, naïve, and lonely kid who hadn’t been exposed to a lot in the big wide world. As such, much of what I wrote was stuff that was on my mind that I was unable to express in words. Music was — and still is — the perfect outlet for me; it enabled me to convey what I was otherwise unable to express.

The pandemic over the past few years has stressed me out in many different ways, as I’m sure it has for many people. Under these circumstances, it’s especially important to maintain your mental health; indeed, it was why I ended up in the hospital last year. We are not robots, so it’s important to maintain some kind of relief valve to release the pressure. This is a huge (although not the only) reason why the arts are important. (I could also talk about how art trains us to think critically and creatively, but that goes beyond the scope of this article.) The arts allow us to express ourselves in ways that we wouldn’t otherwise be able to in the corporate, business, and high-tech world.

Art can take many forms. For me, it’s in my music. For others, it can involve drawing, sculpture, painting, glass-blowing, creative writing, poetry, sewing, video production, theater, collecting, cooking, and so on. (You could also make the case that sports and athletics are an art.) You don’t necessarily even have to be good at it. I once got into a lengthy argument with a friend who said that a picture created with animal feces was not art. What he didn’t understand was that art doesn’t necessarily have to be good or tasteful; it just has to be something that’s expressed, even if it’s (literally, in this case) a piece of crap.

I think art is critically important (I’ve argued that we should be teaching STEAM, not STEM). It’s important for us to develop as well-rounded individuals. And it provides us with a creative outlet that we desperately need to release stress, especially in our current world that is full of it.

Dealing with mental wellness and stress

Last year, I wrote about how stress landed me in the hospital. The fact that the COVID-19 pandemic, combined with my job loss, created a large amount of stress over the course of that year. Because of that stress, I stopped taking care of myself. And because of that, I got sick and ended up in the hospital.

That was last year. After more than a year, I managed to gain employment again.

Well, the cycle begins again. Lately, I’ve been dealing with enormous stress; not from one source, but from several. Much of it is deeply personal, so I won’t write anything specific about them. What I will say is that recent events triggered them, affecting me in numerous ways, including my job performance.

Unfortunately, because my job performance was affected, I was told yesterday that I was being let go. Although I was disappointed by the news, it also did not surprise me. My manager had to make a decision, and I didn’t want to be the one bogging down the team. Quite frankly, if our roles were reversed, I likely would’ve made the same decision.

That said, I believe that in order to truly fix a problem, you need to address the root of the problem. I mentioned that I was dealing with multiple sources of stress. I felt I was getting burned out, and that burnout was what ultimately led me to losing my job. But while work stress may have contributed to my issue, I considered that to be a symptom, not the root cause.

Indeed, my job issue wasn’t the only symptom I was seeing. I’ve been feeling a great deal of anxiety. Even activities that I usually enjoy, and am even passionate about, were affected. There were nights where I was scheduled to attend music rehearsals and CrossFit classes — two activities that I usually enjoy — and I had no motivation to go. That’s when I made the decision to contact EAP and get help. They set me up with an online counseling program (my first therapy session was this morning). Additionally, I reconnected with a local psychology practice with whom I’ve worked in the past.

I’ve long stressed the importance of your mental, psychological, and emotional well-being. In my lost job presentation, the very first thing I address is your emotional well-being. You need to get a hold of yourself before you can effectively move forward. If it means (safely) getting it out of your system, talking to friends, finding distractions (such as your favorite activities), or getting professional help, then do it. The online counseling offered by my EAP includes three free sessions, and I decided that I should take advantage of that.

Mental well-being is getting more attention within the fields of technology. My friend Tracy Boggiano does an excellent presentation about mental health in IT (a link to it is available on her website). Steve Jones also posts daily articles about how to cope with various issues. And while I can’t think of articles off the top of my head (if you know of any, feel free to list them in the comments below), I believe there are articles that discuss mental health within the technology industry.

There has long been a stigma attached to mental health. The fact is, mental health deals with exactly that: your health. If you feel that you might not be in “the right frame of mind,” or something might be bothering you, or you feel as though you’re acting peculiarly, don’t keep it to yourself. Get help. Go talk to someone, preferably someone who’s in a position to best help you (such as a mental health professional). These people are there to help resolve your issue(s), or at least come up with an effective way to cope with them. Once you get your mental health under control, many other things — your job performance, your thought processes, your relationships, how you approach life, and so on — will fall into place.

Now, in the meantime, if anyone has any job leads, feel free to send them my way…

Help for Tonga

I don’t usually use my ‘blog to ask for money, but today, I’m making a rare exception.

You might have heard about the devastating volcanic eruption near Tonga, which has essentially cut the island nation off from the rest of the world.

I have a personal connection to this natural disaster. My wife has a cousin who lives in Tonga (if you’re wondering about how her cousin ended up there, she was there on [I think it was] a Peace Corps mission and met a guy there with whom she fell in love and eventually married). The last I heard, my wife’s cousin and her family are okay, but they are cut off from the rest of the world.

Another one of my wife’s cousins (the Tonga cousin’s sister, in fact) has been organizing relief efforts for Tonga, including a GoFundMe campaign. You can view the GoFundMe by clicking this link.

I kicked in a few bucks, and I’m posting to see if I can get others to donate as well, if you are able and willing to do so.

The joys and benefits of volunteering

This afternoon, I took part in an STC panel discussion about volunteering — how to volunteer, where opportunities exist, and so on. (A recording of the webinar will be made available; once it is, I’ll post a link to it.)

Those of you who know me well know how involved I’ve been with volunteering. To name a few, I’ve spoken for SQL Saturday and Data Saturday conferences. I’m part of the leadership team for my local SQL user group. I’m a section leader, board member, and secretary for the symphonic concert band in which I play. I play the piano for a local church. I even serve as a mentor for my fraternity and my alma mater. I lend my talents to a wide variety of groups and organizations, and it’s among some of the most rewarding endeavors in which I take part.

Why volunteer? You rarely, if ever, get paid for doing volunteer work, after all. Well, at least you don’t get paid with money. That said, you get paid in a number of ways that don’t directly involve money.

Let’s start with the satisfaction that you’ve gotten something done. I take part in a number of activities. All of these activities need behind-the-scenes work to keep them viable. Who’s going to do the work? After all, most of these positions are not paid, full-time opportunities, and tasks have to be done, including (but not limited to) organizing meetings, finding meeting or event space, scheduling, publicizing events, taking care of participants, paying any necessary bills or fees, and so on. Someone has to do the work. More often than not, that work is performed by volunteers.

Do you want to learn something new, or gain a new skill? Volunteering is a great way to do it. These groups all need tasks to be done, and volunteering is a relatively low-risk way to get experience with those tasks. It becomes a win-win for everyone; you gain new experience, and a group gets their tasks done.

That said, keep in mind that once you take on a task, you also take on a responsibility. Groups look to make sure work is performed, and once you volunteer to do that work, they are counting on you to make sure it gets done. Even if you’re not getting paid to perform the work, any volunteer opportunity should be treated with the same responsibility and respect as a job.

As with any job, you might struggle if you’ve never done it before or are unsure as to what to do. Treat it as you would any job. Use resources at your disposal (e.g. the internet) to get it done. Don’t be afraid to ask for help if you’re struggling. And don’t be afraid to say no. Volunteering should be a rewarding, even fun, experience. If you find that you’re frustrated or overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to either turn down the opportunity or pass it off to someone who can get it done. It isn’t worth the stress.

I mentioned above that volunteers don’t get directly paid with money. Indirectly, however, is another story! If you’re looking for work experience, volunteer work looks great on a resume! Maybe you built and maintained a group’s website, managed their finances, taught constituents, organized events, or served as an officer. Even if you weren’t paid to do them, it counts as work experience, which is something that appeals to potential employers.

And if you’re looking to meet people and expand your network, volunteering is a great way to do it. By volunteering, you interact with people in whatever activities you’re involved, which expands your network. Speaking personally, I’ve met many people and made many friends from my involvement with SQL Saturday and other related opportunities. This involvement has helped me to grow, both professionally and personally.

Additionally, when you work with others, you learn people skills, including teamwork, collaboration, communication, delegating tasks, leadership, and so on. And if you feel any trepidation about your skill sets, these people skills might just improve your confidence as well.

So if you’re looking to learn new things, gain more experience, and make new friends, consider volunteering. The rewards you reap can be life-changing.