Want to connect with me? Send me a note #LinkedIn #Facebook #SocialMedia #Networking #Rant

I hate spam passionately. There are few things that piss me off more than being bombarded via email or social media about products for which I don’t give two damns. These days, with the proliferation of bots and malware, spam can also represent a security issue. I suspect it’s probably already happened to me, but I really don’t want anything to do with these things that track my every move.

On a related note, I often get requests to connect, over LinkedIn and Facebook, from people (or is it “people”?) whom I have no idea who they are. Once in a while, I’ll get a connect request from a familiar name or a long lost friend, and even then, I check to make sure I’m not already connected with them, lest it’s someone whose account has been hacked or spoofed. Nevertheless, if I get a connect request from someone I know, I’ll gladly connect with them, with or without a note. However, this is the exception.

That said, whenever I give one of my presentations at a conference, I include an introduction slide, along with some of my contact info, mainly my blog and my LinkedIn profile. I regularly tell people that I am happy to connect with them via LinkedIn, so long as they include a note telling me who they are and how we’re connected.

This is not the first time I’ve written an article about my frustrations with connect requests. Here is a sampling of some of my other articles (and I’m sure there are several others that I haven’t listed below).

• How to (and how NOT to) connect on #LinkedIn
• Ranting my frustration about connect requests
• A tale of two LinkedIn requests
• Putting the “professional” in professional networking
• No cold calls!!!

So once again, I am writing an article about networking online. And once again, I am outlining my ground rules.

• Send me a note with your request! If I have no idea who you are, I will NOT connect with you! Send me a note telling me how we’re connected! If you send me a connect request with no note, and I don’t know who you are, your request WILL be deleted!!!

• Don’t make me work to figure out who you are! Don’t just assume that just because we have something in common (alma mater, fraternity, hometown, friends in common, etc.) that I will know who you are!!! See my bullet point above about including a note and tell me who you are! If I have to work to figure out who you are, chances are that I will delete your request.

• Don’t try to sell me something or suck up to me!!! I am constantly bombarded with connect requests that tell me “I can help promote your business.” If I’m looking to buy a service or product, I’ll ask. And another type of email that infuriates me is one that says “I think you’re a wonderful person. I hope you will connect with me!” Suck-ups piss me off to no end. These types of requests get deleted just as fast — maybe even faster — as requests with no note.

• Connections — and networking — are about relationships! Again, I’ve written about this before. In order for me to connect with you, we need to establish some kind of relationship, even if all it is is that you came to one of my presentations. If you want to connect with me because you want to discuss something that isn’t soliciting, preaching, spam, or sucking up to me, then I will be happy to connect with you to continue the conversation. But again — not to sound like a broken record — please put that in a note!
  
  Speaking of relationships…

• Networking — and communication — is a two-way street! I’ve alluded to this before (I thought I’d written something about this, but I couldn’t find the article). A relationship is about give and take. It doesn’t have to be anything big; for example, I remember a networking contact once forwarded one of my posts saying that I was in the job market. That’s what networking is. It’s about someone knowing something that you don’t. It’s about passing information along. It’s about working together as a team. If you’re just trying to push something on me without doing anything in return, that is solicitation, not networking.

So, I just felt a need to get this out of my system. I get too many unsolicited “cold call” connect requests, and they’re frustrating. If you really want to connect with me, include a note telling me who you are and how we’re connected. If you don’t, then don’t expect to hear back from me.

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A few tips for #networking

Last month, I got an email from my alma mater about a new networking forum that they developed (if you’re a Syracuse University engineering or computer science alumnus or student, check it out). I signed up for it, and I’ve been fairly active on it, posting about some of my own activities and dispensing my thoughts to students asking alumni about career advice.

I have a presentation that I do about networking, and it’s one of my more popular presentations. Indeed, networking is likely one of the most critical business skills to develop in today’s environment, even if you’re not looking for a job.

With that, I wanted to write a few tips for people who are looking to get better at networking.

Learn how to break the ice

Initiating contact is probably one of the most difficult of aspects of networking. But it is not impossible, even if you’re introverted. It might require you stepping out of your comfort zone. However, it doesn’t mean you need to go through great pains or effort to do so. It could be as simple as saying “hi” or smiling at someone. It could involve asking a question. It could be a discussion about your current event. There are a number of different ways to break the ice.

One of those ways to break the ice is…

Your clothes can be a conversation piece

I wear my heart on my sleeve — literally. I commonly wear clothing that’s representative of my sports teams, my alma mater, my fraternity, organizations that are close or important to me, and so on. When I attended PASS Summit in Seattle, a number of people stopped me and told me they were from such-and-such town, or identified themselves as fellow fraternity brothers, or even said “how about those (name of favorite team)?” This all came about because of what I was wearing. Even one of my friends once posted on my Facebook, “Ray is always reppin’!”

If you’re attending an event, be cognizant of what you wear; it can be enough to break the ice.

Any time you interact with someone is a networking opportunity

If you’re looking to interact with people with similar interests, attending events — user group meetings, conferences, etc. — is the most obvious place to do so. But what about places that are not so obvious? Examples include your book club, your gym, your church group, your extracurricular activities, your workplace, and so on.

I’ve had conversations with people in my CrossFit gym and discovered that they work in similar industries to mine. I’ve even gotten them involved in events such as my local user group and PASS Summit.

Bottom line: any time you interact with other people is an opportunity to network.

It doesn’t even have to be in-person. Keep in mind that…

Online networking is still networking

Do you have, say, 100+ friends to whom your connected over Facebook (or your favorite social media of choice)?

Guess what? That’s a network!

I once spoke with a friend about networking, and I suggested tapping into her Facebook feed. It never even occurred to her to use Facebook for that purpose. I said, “why not? You have a bunch of friends with whom you’re connected. They might have leads or information that might be helpful to you professionally. Tap into that!”

I once landed a job through one of my Facebook friends. I posted that my previous employer had let me go, and I was seeking new employment. One of my friends direct-messaged me, saying “I might have something for you. Let’s talk.” We got the ball rolling, and sure enough, I ended up working for my friend!

If you have an established online social network, don’t be afraid to tap into that. Your online network doesn’t have to be strictly social; you can use it for professional purposes as well.

You don’t have to be friends to be networked

Ideally, you’d want to be friends with your networking contacts. The stronger the relationship between you and your contacts, the stronger your network will be.

That said, you don’t have to be buddies with your networking contacts. Being acquainted is just fine. I’ve connected to a number of people whom I probably wouldn’t know if I bumped into them on the street. All that matters is that you’ve established some kind of relationship with the other person.

Speaking of relationships…

“Connected” does NOT mean “networked”

I once had this happen to me after a weekend where I spoke at a SQL Saturday. I won’t rehash the details here; go ahead and read my article.

In my honest opinion, in order to have a network, you need to have some kind of relationship. Networking is a two-way street, where each side can assist the other. It doesn’t have to be anything big; it can be as simple as “so-and-so is looking for a job, and I’m forwarding his/her post as to what (s)he wants,” or even “I saw you’re looking for help with such-and-such; maybe this will help.” To me, “I think you’re cool and I want to connect with you” is NOT a good reason to network. Hey, I like Derek Jeter, but just because I’m following him doesn’t mean he’s part of my network.

Always have a way to continue the conversation

Let’s say you just met someone whom you either admire or can help you professionally. You talk for a while, end with “nice meeting you,” shake hands, and move on.

Did you create a networking contact? My answer is no.

In this scenario, you did not include a way to continue the conversation. In all likelihood, (s)he won’t even remember your name hours after you parted ways. That does nothing to build your network.

There are a number of ways you can do this. A couple of ways I’d recommend are…

Have business cards

I have my own business cards that I use for networking purposes. I used my own creativity in designing them so that they’d be eye-catching, a conversation piece, and a way for me to be remembered. Of course, they also include my contact info so that we can continue our conversation.

In a face-to-face encounter, I consider business cards to be one of the most important networking tools you can have. Why?

Consider this scenario: you’ve just finished a conversation and want to talk later. One of you says, “let me find a piece of paper to write down your email.” However, you have neither a pen or a piece of paper available. Neither of you wants to take the effort to enter the other’s contact info in your phones.

Hmmm. If only there was a way to easily exchange contact info.

Hey! Business cards!

Always have business cards available to distribute. You’ll instantly be able to provide your contact info and continue your conversation.

LinkedIn is your friend

In my honest opinion, if business cards are your most important networking tool, LinkedIn might come in second.

Professionals take LinkedIn seriously. I’ve even seen spaces for LinkedIn addresses on employment applications, which, to me, indicates that businesses take LinkedIn seriously.

A LinkedIn profile does a number of things. Like business cards, it provides a way to continue your conversation. It serves as your online resume. It provides an avenue for you to post about your accomplishments and thoughts. It is an important tool for professionals. In my opinion, if you’re serious about networking, you absolutely must have a LinkedIn account.

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These are just a few ways in which you can hone your networking skills; there are many others that I haven’t even touched upon. (You can learn more if you attend my networking presentation! </plug>) We do not live in a vacuum, and no (wo)man is an island. These days, maintaining a strong network is vital for your professional health, and a way to ensure that you will be successful in your career.

Social media: should I stay or should I go?

I don’t think I have to mention just how prevalent social media is these days. If you’re reading this ‘blog, most likely you’re engaged in some form of social media. Terms such as Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter are a regular part of daily life these days. It’s gotten to the point that these terms have become verbs (e.g. “Facebook it”). Even I’ll tell people that “the best way to get a hold of me is on Facebook,” and I’m the first to admit that I generally can’t go a day without checking my Facebook app on my phone.

In these times of divisiveness, security concerns, and ‘bots, I’ve also seen a number of friends say, “I’m closing my Facebook account” or “I’m shutting down my LinkedIn.” I’m often saddened by these, because one of my main reasons for maintaining Facebook (which I’ll expand upon in a moment) is to easily keep in touch with friends and family. Any time a friend says that (s)he is shutting down his or her account is a contact that I lose. It doesn’t mean that (s)he is no longer a friend; it just means that it’s a little more difficult to keep in touch with that person.

However, a lot of people are (understandably) turned off by the negativity and political discourse that are pervasive on social media. People have written articles about how much better their lives have become after shutting down social media. I completely understand how people are disillusioned by what they see on social media.

So I get it when people ask this question about social media: should I stay or should I go?

I’ll give the standard DBA answer*: “it depends.”

(*For those who don’t understand the reference, the widespread joke among data professionals and IT people is “it depends” is the standard response when they are asked just about any question.)

Not satisfied with that answer? Let me expand on it.

I don’t think I need to get into why people want to leave social media; there are too many obvious examples of that out in the wild (and maybe a few not-so-obvious examples, such as data security and privacy, and the “need” — a very stupid reason, in my opinion — to maintain social status). People are getting stressed out over these issues. I certainly understand why people want to leave social media, and I won’t decry them for it. So instead, I’ll talk about some reasons why you might want to stay.

Like just about anything else, social media is a tool, a piece of software developed for a purpose. Mostly, that purpose is communication. People have been talking about the shrinking world for years. Social media contributes to the world shrinking even further.

I mentioned earlier that I maintain my Facebook account so that I can easily stay in touch with friends and family. It is the primary reason why I first joined Facebook, and it is why, even despite all the issues that come with it, I maintain my account today. Humans are social animals, and more often than not, humans need to maintain social contact with one another, especially so these days with the COVID-19 pandemic. I enjoy talking to people and keeping in touch with friends, so for me, personally, these reasons outweigh all the problems and tribulations that come with Facebook, and maintaining my account is worthwhile.

Some people seem to think they have to maintain some level of status on social media, like trying to compete in some type of popularity contest. Personally, I think this is one of the biggest bullshit reasons to be on social media. I could not care less about how popular I am. I’ll post about personal news that’s happening in my life, something on my mind that I want to get off my chest, ask a question about an issue I can’t seem to solve on my own, or occasionally express an opinion (although I do try to avoid anything having to do with politics; personally, I despise politics passionately). If you’re on social media to maintain social standing, I think you’re on it for the wrong reason. (Trying to sell yourself is a different matter; I’ll get into that shortly.) If I don’t care about my social standing (and I don’t), then I don’t have to concern myself with maintaining it on social media.

That is why I want to be on social media. However, I also think there are reasons why you should be on social media.

Love it or hate it, social media is prevalent in our society today, and I don’t think it’s going away anytime soon. Because so many people use social media, it’s probably the single largest and most effective communication device in the world.

I think you have to be on social media if you’re at all serious about any of the following: marketing, networking, sales, job hunting, problem solving, news and information (not the fake kind, but I digress), running a business, customer service, recruiting, and maybe a lot of other things I haven’t thought about — essentially, anything that involves communication on a large scale. Most business sites that sell products or services include links to “like us on (insert your favorite social medium here).” Many job applications include a form field for your LinkedIn profile, a sign that they take it seriously. Organizations such as PASS make extensive use of media such as Twitter to communicate with their members. I’ve also written before about online networking; I won’t rehash that here.

One of the big complaints I often hear is that people are sick of being bombarded with ads and politics. Facebook (and other media, I’m sure) does include tools to suppress things you don’t want to see; for example, there are tools to “hide” or “block all from (name of account).” There are a number of such tools available. I won’t get into them right now, but I will say that using them has made my online experience much more palatable.

So should you maintain a social media presence or not? These are the reasons why, despite their issues, I continue to do so. Social media are communication tools. How — and whether you decide — to use them is completely up to you.

Putting the “professional” in professional networking

I recently saw a couple of posts that left me shaking my head.

The first was a tweet from a couple of weeks ago. This came from a #SQLFamily person whom I follow on Twitter. I don’t really know her well, but we do have several mutual friends, and I know her by reputation. She posted the following tweet.

And if that wasn’t enough, earlier today, I stumbled across the following post on LinkedIn.

When it comes to professional networking, do people really need to be told not to do this? Apparently, the answer is “yes.”

I specifically mention this in my networking presentation. I dedicate a few slides to talk about how to break the ice — probably the most difficult thing to do when trying to initiate a conversation, especially if you consider yourself introverted. I list dos and don’ts when trying to break the ice, and this qualifies as a don’t.

Professional networking is exactly that — it’s an opportunity to connect with people professionally. It is not an opportunity to pick up members of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if that’s what you’re into). This kind of behavior is unprofessional and immature, and it does not belong in a professional environment — ever.

There are certain manners that need to be upheld when you’re trying to connect with people professionally. Things like this will do more to repulse people from you than connect with them. Save the cheesy pickup lines for the dive bars. Better yet, don’t save them at all.

Selling your business on LinkedIn

Yesterday, I got into a conversation with a friend of mine who told me that he disagreed with me about my LinkedIn networking practices. He, like me, has his own business. He told me why he disagreed with me, and what he told me was very intriguing.

I’ve been using LinkedIn primarily as a networking tool, and I continue to use it as such. That said, LinkedIn can be used for a number of purposes, including one that hadn’t occurred to me — and that reason was why my friend disagreed with me.

“As a small business,” he said (and I’m paraphrasing here), “I don’t have a lot of money to spend on things like marketing and advertising. I read what you wrote about not connecting with someone because she was into sales and you’re not. The thing is, when you own a business, by default, you’re a sales person. It’s great that you’re networking on LinkedIn, but how much are you going to sell to your existing network? You shouldn’t just be connecting with people you already know. What you should be doing is selling your business to people you don’t know. LinkedIn is, essentially, a free advertising tool.”

He definitely has a point. When I was working for an employer, I used LinkedIn primarily as a networking tool, but that narrative changed when I became a business owner. Before, I was looking to maintain contacts as a source of “hive mind” knowledge, public speaking opportunities, and potential job leads in the event that I lost my job (which, I did). Now that I own my own business, I also need to generate leads for my business. LinkedIn can help me do that.

So to my friend, if you’re reading this (which he probably is — he did say that he reads my ‘blog), thank you for that insight. I’ve long said that networking is about building relationships, which it still is. Those relationships also extend to selling your business as well.

My #JobHunt presentation is online #PASSProfDev @PASS_ProfDev @CASSUG_Albany #SQLFamily #ProfessionalDevelopment

If you missed my job hunt presentation, it is now available on YouTube. Click here to view my presentation!

Additionally, my presentation slides can be downloaded from here!

How to (and how NOT to) connect on #LinkedIn

Lately, it seems like I’ve been getting more and more request to connect on LinkedIn. LinkedIn is the go-to social networking tool for connecting with people professionally. Ever since I (1) announced that I was looking for a new job, and (2) announced that I’d started a new LLC, the number of connect requests I’ve been getting has increased.

I had comments on my LinkedIn summary saying that I won’t connect with cold-call LinkedIn requests (and I still won’t, but we’ll get to that in a moment), but I toned the language down after my job hunt kicked into gear.

This isn’t the first time I’ve written about LinkedIn connect requests, but people whom I don’t know or have never heard of still persist in connecting with me. I’ve said it before: networking is about relationships. If you’re trying to establish a network (which is what LinkedIn connect requests are about), you need to establish a relationship.

Yet here I am, once again, writing about this topic, because people still don’t get it. So, here are a few tips about how to (and how NOT to) establish a LinkedIn connection with me.

Things that will establish a connection between me and you

• You’re a friend or colleague whom I know and trust, and I recognize your name immediately, regardless of whether or not you include an accompanying note.

• You’re someone whom I invited to connect.

• You’re an acquaintance whom I don’t know well, but you include a note saying “we worked together at such-and-such place,” or “we were classmates in such-and-such school,” or “I was one of your students at place-where-I taught.”

• I don’t know you at all, but you include a note saying “we met at SQL Saturday,” or “I enjoyed your presentation,” or “we met at such-and-such place,” or “(a mutual connection) said we should hook up,” and so on, and so on, and so on.
  
  One of the best examples of this was the following note I received after I spoke at a SQL Saturday. Although I didn’t know her at all, I was happy to connect with her.
  
  “I really enjoyed your presentation on technical writing at SQL Saturday today! The tie challenge was a really interesting way to get the point across. I’d like to stay in touch and maybe pick your brain about tech writing again at some point in the future.”
  
  One note that I should add: try to be specific about how we’re connected. Mention where we met, which of my presentations you saw, what you liked (or didn’t like) about my presentation, why our mutual friend said we should connect, and so on. For all I know, you might be stalking my profile, just happen to see a connection on it, and say “so-and-so told me to connect.” If you don’t explain why we’re connecting, that’s not going to cut it. I don’t have any tolerance for BS’ers.

• You’re a legitimate (key word!) recruiter who actually knows and respects what I’m looking for, and doesn’t blindly send me requests for jobs in which I have absolutely no interest. (See below for the opposite of this.)

I want to point out that, except for the first two bullet points, all of these have something in common: that you include a note telling me who you are and how we’re connected. This is key in establishing a connection.

Things that will make me delete your connect request immediately

These types of requests irritate me to no end, and will nearly guarantee that I will delete your connect request.

• I have no idea who you are, and you do NOT include any note of any kind telling me who you are.

• Same as above, even if we’re connected in some way (e.g. same user group, same workplace, same activity, etc.). If we’re connected, and I don’t know you well (or at all), don’t just assume I know who you are and how we’re connected! Tell me who you are!!! Don’t make me work to figure it out!!!

• Including a note, but making no mention about how we’re related. I recently received a connect request from someone asking me if I was looking to hire developers. My business is a single-person LLC (for now), and I am not looking to hire anyone, at least not yet. Maybe several years from now, when I’m pulling in over a half-million dollars worth of assets and have more work than I can handle, then sure, I might look to hire people. But until that happens, please tell me how we’re connected. I felt bad for the poor guy, but he didn’t give me any reason for me to connect with him, other than “I’m looking for a job.”

• Kissing my ass. This is something that pisses me off to no end. My number one pet peeve is insulting my intelligence. Doing so guarantees that you will end up on my shit list.
  
  The most egregious example was a connect request I received that said this:
  
  “I’m always looking to build my network with great people and would be delighted to have you in my network. I hope you’ll consider connecting!”
  
  Not only did she try to kiss up to me, she insulted my intelligence. I could not delete her connect request fast enough.

• Try to talk about a relationship that doesn’t exist. I recently received a request that said this:
  
  “Thanks in advance for connecting. Tons of value in connecting with other sales professionals.”
  
  Um, did you actually read my LinkedIn profile?!? Name ONE thing in it that says I am, in any way, interested in sales!!! (Here’s a hint: I’M NOT!!!)

• I make no secret of the fact that I have a deep contempt for spam recruiters. It is well-known by legitimate recruiters and scores of IT professionals that spam recruiters are radioactive and should be treated as such. If you’re a so-called “recruiter” who doesn’t give a damn about your client, doesn’t try to get to know what I want or am looking for, sends me a job in which I have zero interest, tries to send me a cold-call connect request when I don’t know you, have never heard of you, have no idea who you are, and only cares about how much you get paid and not about your client’s well-being, then don’t even bother trying to contact or connect with me.

• Trying to sell me something, or push something on me that I either don’t want or don’t care about. Again, this is about establishing relationships. It’s a two-way street. If it’s something that’s only for your benefit, then I don’t want anything to do with you.

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In a nutshell, if you’re looking to connect with someone over LinkedIn, always include a note that explains your relationship with that person. I guarantee that you will increase your chances that he or she will connect with you, and your networking experience will go much better.

I am #JobHunting again #Networking #SQLFamily

I just got the word this morning. I was informed that my contract will end at the end of the month.

I did not see this coming. I was blindsided by this.

After an almost three-year run, I am, once again, looking for a job. I enjoyed working in this position, and it was a fun ride while it lasted.

So, I wanted to write this article to post a few thoughts.

• Let me emphasize that I am NOT taking this personally, and I do not have any ill will toward my (soon to be ex-) employer. I know how the game is played. Right now, my main emotion is getting over the shock of being blindsided by this news. Once I’ve had a chance to collect my thoughts (which is the main purpose of this very article), I should be okay. To their credit, my employer and client have reached out to me and offered their willingness to help me out. It is entirely possible that I may remain with the company handling my contract, but we’ll see what happens.

• The secondary purpose of this article is to shake the networking tree. If anyone knows of anything (per the guidelines below — keep reading), feel free to reach out to me.

• I’ve posted time and again that networking is critical. I’ve built up a significant network throughout my professional life, and I feel pretty confident that I will land on my feet. The last time I went through this, I landed pretty quickly. I’m hoping that it happens again.

• In terms of what type of position I’m seeking, I’m probably best-suited for a role in business or data analysis, technical writing, or technical training. I’m pretty far removed from my days as a developer, but I will not rule it out.

• In terms of positions that do not interest me, I have no interest in sales or helpdesk call positions. That said, if necessary, I would be open to any temporary position to hold me over, regardless of whether I’m interested in it or not.

• I want to remain local to the Albany, NY area. That said, I am open to remote/telecommuting positions (which seems to be just about all tech positions these days).

• In regards to what industries interest me, I would be willing to work for almost any industry, but the one that interests me the most is academia.

• If you are connected with me on LinkedIn, please consider writing me a recommendation. If I am able to do so, I will reciprocate. Additionally, please let me know if you’re willing to serve as a reference, and if so, send me your contact information where you would be willing to be contacted by any of my potential employers.

I’ve worked a wonderful position for the past three years, and as I sit to think about it, I realize that I’ve been spoiled during this time. I’m saddened to be leaving this position, but I’m also excited to see what the next chapter of my professional life brings.

No cold calls!!!

This is something that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I’ve written about this before. Because it keeps happening, I’m writing about this again.

I often get requests to connect from people I don’t know. I will only connect with people with whom I have some kind of established relationship. It’s so bad that I put this note prominently at the top of my LinkedIn profile.

If you want to connect with me, please indicate how we’re connected; otherwise, I will ignore or delete your request. I do NOT accept unsolicited connect requests from people I don’t know.

I especially hold a strong contempt for spam recruiters. For starters, I once had a bad experience with a spam recruiter. There are also many documented cases about spam recruiters being bad for professional development. And their queries are often downright insulting to me. They make absolutely no attempt to get to know me or what I want; all they do is look for buzzwords in my LinkedIn profile or resume. Any connect request I receive from a recruiter I’ve never heard of gets deleted immediately.

Granted, just because I don’t know you doesn’t mean I won’t connect with you. However, you need to give me a reason as to why I should connect with you. It doesn’t have to be much — even something as simple as, “I enjoyed (meeting/talking/listening/whatever) to you at (user group/activity/party/whatever). Can we connect?” is enough for me to at least acknowledge you.

There are a number of people who think that just because we have friends or groups in common that they can just connect with me. The fact is, if I don’t know who you are, and you don’t tell me how we’re connected, I will not connect with you. Just because we’re part of the same user group doesn’t mean I will connect with you. Several user groups and activities I’m in often have numbers of people whom I don’t know. You need to tell me we’re in the same user group. Do not make me have to work to figure out who you are.

I am very particular about this, especially in this day and age of identity theft and data security. It’s one thing to be asked a favor, but it’s quite another to be taken advantage of. There is a difference.

Networking is about relationships. Tell me what our relationship is, and I’ll be happy to connect with you, even if I don’t know you. But if you send me an unsolicited connect request with absolutely no indication as to how we’re connected, chances are I will delete or ignore your request. Don’t send me a cold-call connect request with no explanation as to how we’re connected and expect me to connect with you.

Ranting my frustration about connect requests

This article may seem to go against one of the things that I preach in my ‘blogging presentation, and that is to avoid frustrated rants and “getting it out of your system.” Maybe I should be a little more specific. One should avoid mindless rants in which you angrily spew your passions without any thoughts, and in which you say things that you’ll later regret.

Yes, this article is a rant. However, it is not without thought, and there is a purpose to this post.

As many of my regular followers (both of you) are likely aware, I write and present primarily on professional development topics. I’m not as technically sharp as I once was, but I still contribute to groups such as PASS and SQL Saturday in the form of “soft” topics that are of interest to industry professionals. I’ve started using this analogy during my presentation introductions: “when it comes to my relationship with PASS and SQL Saturday, I’m the professor at MIT who teaches English Lit.”

Among other things — and if you follow my ‘blog and my presentations, you probably already know this — I write a lot about networking. These days, networking is the lifeblood of one’s career path.

However, there is a difference between networking and connecting. Therein lies the heart of my rant. I’ve written before about people who don’t give a crap about actual networking, as well as spam recruiters.

I still get connect requests from these people, and it frustrates me to no end. So with that…

<Rant>

• If I don’t know who you are, tell me how we’re connected!!! I get a lot of LinkedIn requests from people whom I don’t know from Adam. Some might be people I’ve met from my user group or at a SQL Saturday, but if I’m not friends with you, I didn’t invite you to connect, I don’t interact with you on a semi-regular basis, or we don’t have some kind of common relationship (more on that below), chances are that I’m not going to know or remember who you are. I do NOT connect with random strangers that I don’t know. If you tell me how we’re connected, then I will be happy to connect with you. But if you send me a cold-connect request with no explanation whatsoever — or worse, send me a message where you kiss my ass without explaining how we’re connected (I’ve had that happen before) — then there is about a 98% chance* that I will delete your request. (And if you try to kiss up to me, insult my intelligence, or try to sell me something, that shoots all the way up to 100%.)
  
  (*If I recognize where you’re from, then there’s a slight chance that I might at least retain the request, not delete it altogether. But if I don’t know you, I still won’t connect until you tell me who you are. Don’t make me have to work to figure out who you are.)

• I am NOT in a contest to see if I can get the most connections. So you have 3000+ connections. That’s great. But if you ask me for a recommendation, will I know anything about you? Networking is about relationships. If I need a favor (for example, let’s say I lose my job and am looking for a new one), are you willing to help me out? Or are you looking for something for me and are not willing to give anything back? If the answer no to the first question and yes to the latter, then don’t even bother with me.

• We don’t have to be friends. We just need to have something in common. I don’t expect to be buddies with all my networking connections. Many of these people I will likely not recognize if I bumped into them on the street. Some might even be people with whom I have some kind of conflict. But if we’re both members of the same “family” (e.g. my alma mater, my fraternity, my gym, #SQLFamily, etc.), then I’m more likely to connect with you. If we’re friends, great, but having a networking relationship with acquaintances is okay.

And I have a special rant regarding spam recruiters. I hate spam recruiters passionately. (I once had a bad experience with a spam recruiter — if you really want to hear more about it, I talk about it in the link.) They give legitimate recruiters a bad name. All of the above bullet points about connecting apply, along with these points.

• I will NOT relocate. If you try to sell me a position that requires me to move, consider your message deleted immediately. I have a home and a life. I have roots where I am, and I will NOT pull them up unless I desperately have to do so. I will NOT even look at any message that tells me about a job in someplace I’ve never heard of or located hundreds of miles from where I live. Every time I see a message like that in my inbox, it goes straight into the trash. I won’t even bother reading what it says.

• Don’t even bother contacting me about sales or help desk call positions. Although I’m open-minded enough that I’d look into nearly any job depending on the circumstances, there are some positions in which I have absolutely zero interest. I have no interest at all in any type of sales associate or help desk call* position, and I state that very clearly in my LinkedIn overview. (There are a number of other positions as well, but those are the ones about which I get the most emails.) I don’t even know what on my resume says that I have any kind of interest in either position.
  
  (*I might consider a position that involves managing or supporting a help desk, but again, it depends on the circumstances.)

• No growth? No dice. I’m always looking to grow. That doesn’t necessarily mean climbing the ladder (although it could mean that). It means improving myself, learning new skills, and possibly even furthering my education. If you don’t offer that, chances are that I won’t budge.

Having gotten that out of my system, I do have some points for legitimate recruiters (some of whom are my friends).

• I am not actively looking for a position (at least not as of this article), but I do look passively. If something that looks interesting drops in my lap, I’d be stupid to at least not look into it. And if it’s something that works for me — whether it’s an increase in salary or an upward move — then who knows?

• No, I won’t relocate, but… I do enjoy traveling, so I give bonus points for a position in which I get to do some traveling. Also, I would consider a position where I can work from home full-time, even if the prospective employer is located hundreds of miles away.

</Rant>

Okay. That’s out of my system. I feel better now.